All About Dogs by LowchensAustralia.com

POETRY, PROSE & THIS AND THAT

A collection of words that have affected me in some manner.
I believe you'll enjoy them too.

You know You've gone to the Dogs when:

 

• Gifts you & your spouse/significant other exchange consist of: grooming tables, X-pens, crates, stand dryers, etc.

• Your son makes you a set of pooper-scoopers in Metals 101.

• Your daughter surprises you with a Kennel Sign from Wood Shop class.

• Your phone bill is higher than the National Debt.

• No item of clothing  is bought without clearing the following hurdles:
      a)  Does it have pockets?
      b)  Will dog hair show?
      c)  Will slobber blend in?
      d)  Does the colour go with my dog/s?

• A week-end get-away is a 3 day show.

• You can't remember Birthdays, Anniversaries, etc., because your calendar is filled with Show dates, closing dates, due dates, heartworm & med. dates, etc., leaving no room for anything else.

• Bitch, Artificial Insemination, sperm, semen, ovulation are words you use frequently.

• You plan your vacation time around your bitches due/heat dates.

• A gift from your Grandchildren brings tears to your eyes- a new heater for the whelping box.

• Your Child/Grandchild takes puppy tails & dewclaws to Show & Tell- and describes Banding & Dewclaw removal.

• Jewellery means Doggy earrings, pendants, pins, watches, etc.

• Weddings & other special occasions are planned for non-dog show days.

• You celebrate Mothers Day by taking your Mother along to a Show-and get her handle a dog for you.

• YOUR Wedding is not only on a Dog Show week-end, but performed at Lunch Break AT THE SHOW  so all your family & friends can attend.

By: Irenne & Dave Bader

Lament Of A Lady Who's Gone To The Dogs

There was a time, there really was
When I was sweet and tender
When a show dog meant a Disney Star
And a Bitch was not a gender

I went to bed at half past ten
I went to church on Sunday
On Saturday I baked the bread
And did the wash on Monday

But when I got a certain pup
An erstwhile friend said, "SHOW"!
And oh what she didn't say
Oh! What I didn't know

I used to have a certain air
I wallowed in perfume
I used to smell of Ode D'Amour
Now I smell of Mr. Groom

My furniture was of exquisite decor
My pets a tank of guppies
Now I've furniture unstuffed
But well-adjusted puppies

Once I spoke in Pristine Prose
In dulcet tone and frail
But now I'm using language
That would turn a sailor pale

I was taught to be well-groomed
No matter where I went
Now all the grooming that I do
Is in the handler's tent

I used to long for furs and jewels
And a figure classed as super
Now the thing I yearn for most
Is a nice new pooper-scooper

I adored a man who murmured soft verse
Through intimate little dinners
But now the words I thrill to hear
Are just three...."Best Of Winners"!

I rise at dawn and pack the car
The roads ahead are long ones
The one I routed on the map
Invariably is the wrong one

When my time on earth is said and done
I'll go without much nudging
Just give me three weeks closing date
And let me know who's Judging!!!!!!

Author Unknown

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